And I can still judge you for them! If you really want something like that, at least go for someone who might not bite your dick off. Like me, or Saki-san, or someone like that.
But Dazai quickly covers that up by walking away from Oda to go focus on something else. Like one of the stacks of paper piling up in his office now.]
Of course you aren't, and I didn't expect you to say "wow, okay, let's go jump into your bed right now!" The point is that I would still be a better option for you than Giriko, even with that personal hurdle to get over.
[The rejection stings a lot, but he can at least pretend like it doesn't.]
[ he huffs, trying to ignore the way that dazai is trying to hide the obvious hurt from the ]
But I just don’t want to be a replacement or live in his shadow. [ he pauses, thinking. ] If I make a bad decision with you, it’s gotta be one we both enjoy.
What's not to see? You're calm, reliable, and you look like you know what you're doing. In the middle of something chaotic like this game, that kind of a presence is reassuring. It's the same with Saki-san too, though I think enough people here have mommy issues that they see her as a replacement mom than as someone to be with.
[He's just going to slide on over to the other couch now, inviting a friendly conversation while respecting Oda's previous statements enough not to invade his space too much.]
But humor me, and tell me about yourself.
[This is another Oda, not 'his Odasaku', so they might as well start off like they don't know each other.]
[ at least, in oda’s eyes it’s very true. in comparison to the rest of the agents here, in comparison to the rest of the agency—there’s nothing noteworthy about him.
when dazai sits next to him, oda does tense up for a second—but quickly relaxes. perhaps he’s getting used to this. he’s not yet sure if this is good or bad, but he’ll roll with it either way. ]
I was a member of the Armed Detective Agency before coming to the Foundation. I helped run an orphanage with fifteen kids, and had rescued Akutagawa a while back—he also joined the Agency.
[ he glances down at his papers for a moment, before continuing. ]
I also write during my spare time. It’s not the greatest, but it’s something I like to do.
[The other parts he had gathered through their previous conversations, and Dazai won't open the bag of "Aku fighting" again. Instead, he focuses on that last part, and he glances down to the papers.]
[ he instinctively pulls away the papers, suddenly self conscious. ]
I like writing about the lives of all sorts of people. The situations that drive them, their relationships—how they live and how they die. I thought I was the only one that would find it interesting...but, somehow, I managed to get published back in Yokohama. [ he nods to himself ] It was like a dream.
If you want to give a summary, I'll listen. I'd like that a lot, actually.
[He is admittedly curious. The Oda of his world had wanted to write a book, but never got the chance to. Would he have written something similar to this Oda's book?
[ oda perks up a little at that. though it’s barely visible, he’s excited to talk about the one thing he’s mildly proud of. ]
It’s based on a book I was given—the book that convinced me to stop killing. One of the characters was an assassin that had stopped killing. However, the pages where he explained why he stopped killing were ripped out, and I never found another copy of the book. So I followed the advice of the man that gave me the book and wrote about him. I wrote about the assassin’s life before that book and what drove him to stop killing.
[ he fidgets a little, suddenly a little self-conscious of himself. nevertheless, he continues. ]
I wanted to show how a single person can someone else’s life. Even the words that are meaningless to some can have a huge impact on someone else. Because that’s what happened to me.
[Oh. This right here, this is hitting way too close to home.
Something unreadable passes over Dazai's face, and his emotions are clearly becoming mixed. He wants to hear more, but his chest is starting to ache a bit too.]
Do you want to share those words? Or are they for you to know only?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[YEAH HE DEFINITELY JUST SAID THAT]
1/2
[ eyeroll. however, he does note that dazai added himself into those suggestions for “better options” and he’s. ???? ]
Saki has better taste. And you— [ he pauses. wait, didn’t atsushi say— ]
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oh no.
oda immediately looks away, preferring to focus on something else. his lap, for example, or maybe the books or dazai’s desk! anything but dazai. ]
I’m... not the Oda Sakunosuke you want. [ he looks down, frowning. ] I don’t want to hurt you like that.
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Oh that answer hurts a little.
But Dazai quickly covers that up by walking away from Oda to go focus on something else. Like one of the stacks of paper piling up in his office now.]
Of course you aren't, and I didn't expect you to say "wow, okay, let's go jump into your bed right now!" The point is that I would still be a better option for you than Giriko, even with that personal hurdle to get over.
[The rejection stings a lot, but he can at least pretend like it doesn't.]
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[ he huffs, trying to ignore the way that dazai is trying to hide the obvious hurt from the ]
But I just don’t want to be a replacement or live in his shadow. [ he pauses, thinking. ] If I make a bad decision with you, it’s gotta be one we both enjoy.
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...
Are you saying you would, if you thought I wasn't comparing you to him?
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Yeah.
1/2
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[YEP. Gonna put it off for another day. Maybe to get more time to show Oda that he's not seeing Oda as 'replacement Odasaku'.]
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[ he is screwed out for the night. the whole week, at least. the exhaustion is more obvious now that he’s let his guard down. ]
Though I don’t see what any of those spin the in spin the bottle saw in me, really. [ BIG SIGH ]
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[ he has never known what he’s doing a single day of his life. ANYWAYS. ]
Saki’s nice. I’m glad people like her.
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[Hi yes, he's bringing it back to that. Appreciate that people look up to you, Oda.]
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[ shrug!? ]
I’m not interesting.
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[He's just going to slide on over to the other couch now, inviting a friendly conversation while respecting Oda's previous statements enough not to invade his space too much.]
But humor me, and tell me about yourself.
[This is another Oda, not 'his Odasaku', so they might as well start off like they don't know each other.]
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[ at least, in oda’s eyes it’s very true. in comparison to the rest of the agents here, in comparison to the rest of the agency—there’s nothing noteworthy about him.
when dazai sits next to him, oda does tense up for a second—but quickly relaxes. perhaps he’s getting used to this. he’s not yet sure if this is good or bad, but he’ll roll with it either way. ]
I was a member of the Armed Detective Agency before coming to the Foundation. I helped run an orphanage with fifteen kids, and had rescued Akutagawa a while back—he also joined the Agency.
[ he glances down at his papers for a moment, before continuing. ]
I also write during my spare time. It’s not the greatest, but it’s something I like to do.
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Do you now? What do you like to write about?
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[ he instinctively pulls away the papers, suddenly self conscious. ]
I like writing about the lives of all sorts of people. The situations that drive them, their relationships—how they live and how they die. I thought I was the only one that would find it interesting...but, somehow, I managed to get published back in Yokohama. [ he nods to himself ] It was like a dream.
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[Not that he thinks he does, given their current situation.]
Are you working on your next book, then?
[He won't try to peek at the papers, but he can guess that's what they are.]
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[ because he’s not going to give Dazai any false hopes about either of them getting out alive.
when asked about his writing, however, oda stills in thought. ]
Maybe— [ hm, no. he shakes his head. ] I don’t know. I think I’m just trying to find things to do with my free time.
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[He is admittedly curious. The Oda of his world had wanted to write a book, but never got the chance to. Would he have written something similar to this Oda's book?
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[ oda perks up a little at that. though it’s barely visible, he’s excited to talk about the one thing he’s mildly proud of. ]
It’s based on a book I was given—the book that convinced me to stop killing. One of the characters was an assassin that had stopped killing. However, the pages where he explained why he stopped killing were ripped out, and I never found another copy of the book. So I followed the advice of the man that gave me the book and wrote about him. I wrote about the assassin’s life before that book and what drove him to stop killing.
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[He is. So curious now. Like this will answer a lot of the questions he has.]
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[ he fidgets a little, suddenly a little self-conscious of himself. nevertheless, he continues. ]
I wanted to show how a single person can someone else’s life. Even the words that are meaningless to some can have a huge impact on someone else. Because that’s what happened to me.
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[Oh. This right here, this is hitting way too close to home.
Something unreadable passes over Dazai's face, and his emotions are clearly becoming mixed. He wants to hear more, but his chest is starting to ache a bit too.]
Do you want to share those words? Or are they for you to know only?
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