[ of course i know that, oda wants to say. he knows that worrying is something that all people do; he feels it as well. that's why shuji cornered him last night. that's why he was visiting sakura daily. that's why baren broke into his house (he hopes). that's one of the reasons that people do things for others. worry.
it's exactly as kei told him. people feel concern because they care.
but he feels undeserving of it. of shuji's, of sakura's, hell, even of baren's worry. he just wishes they could see that.
[ being confronted like this, in his own kitchen, by someone that broke into his house...feels as uncomfortable as anyone should feel in this situation. but he's not going to kick baren out or anything like that. he's in the middle of cooking, he can't do that.
instead, he continues looking away, arms crossed. ]
It doesn't matter. You were right, weren't you? You did what you had to do. I was an idiot in thinking that someone would just let me die.
[ baren's not wrong. he is angry. but at himself. ]
What would you get out of death? You said you didn't want to upset your friends, but you really think that they'd be better off if you were gone? I know death doesn't mean the same thing - it's cheap, their magic trick of bringing people back - but you never know when it'll be a fluke. When they'll let someone fall through the cracks.
You don't get to be with your friends when you're dead.
[His frustration shows, flickers dangerously even as he moves Oda's scrambled eggs onto a plate.]
You're the only one who's saying your feelings don't matter. If you're pissed, then be pissed already.
And you're the only one implying I should be pissed at you.
[ he takes out two forks, handing one out to baren and keeps the other one to eat his eggs sullenly. they taste really good.
still, oda understands what baren means. his friends would suffer greatly if he died, and that's the one thing he's doing his best to avoid. he sighs. ]
Yes, asshole. Because for whatever fucking reason, I did the exact thing that you told me not to do. I shouldn't have to explain to you that you should have enough care for yourself to be mad when someone fucks you over.
[ - but they both know that Baren didn't do it out of malice. He did it out of necessity. He treasures privacy so highly that the only thing that could make him compromise it is someone's life.]
[ he's just gonna continue eating his eggs like it's no big deal. because it really isn't. his anger towards baren washed away in mere hours because he knew that the right thing had been done.
but then again, this is eerily similar to the encounter he once had with kei, no? no matter how hard the man tried to anger him, it never worked. maybe he's just incapable of feeling such an emotion. ]
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[ of course i know that, oda wants to say. he knows that worrying is something that all people do; he feels it as well. that's why shuji cornered him last night. that's why he was visiting sakura daily. that's why baren broke into his house (he hopes). that's one of the reasons that people do things for others. worry.
it's exactly as kei told him. people feel concern because they care.
but he feels undeserving of it. of shuji's, of sakura's, hell, even of baren's worry. he just wishes they could see that.
akage meows, trying to bat at tanuki. her prey. ]
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scampering behind odasaku
hm.
Baren just gives Odasaku a blank stare at that though.]
"Yeah"?
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even though he kind of wishes he could do the same and hide from his problems. he glances away, jaw tight. ]
What? I'm not gonna explain if I know that you're just gonna call it stupid.
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[there's a flash of irritation there and Baren can't help the way he snaps even as he just. keeps fucking cooking.]
One - that never fucking stopped you before.
Two - I'm not owed an explanation, but something more than a syllable would be fine.
Three - if you don't want to give me more than that, then at least own up the reason why instead of making shit up because you're pissed at me.
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instead, he continues looking away, arms crossed. ]
It doesn't matter. You were right, weren't you? You did what you had to do. I was an idiot in thinking that someone would just let me die.
[ baren's not wrong. he is angry. but at himself. ]
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You don't get to be with your friends when you're dead.
[His frustration shows, flickers dangerously even as he moves Oda's scrambled eggs onto a plate.]
You're the only one who's saying your feelings don't matter. If you're pissed, then be pissed already.
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[ he takes out two forks, handing one out to baren and keeps the other one to eat his eggs sullenly. they taste really good.
still, oda understands what baren means. his friends would suffer greatly if he died, and that's the one thing he's doing his best to avoid. he sighs. ]
You're right.
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[ - but they both know that Baren didn't do it out of malice. He did it out of necessity. He treasures privacy so highly that the only thing that could make him compromise it is someone's life.]
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[ he's just gonna continue eating his eggs like it's no big deal. because it really isn't. his anger towards baren washed away in mere hours because he knew that the right thing had been done.
but then again, this is eerily similar to the encounter he once had with kei, no? no matter how hard the man tried to anger him, it never worked. maybe he's just incapable of feeling such an emotion. ]
Sorry. I can't be angry at you.
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—but you still can't trust me?
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I don't want you to make another decision like that.
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[ - he sounds more excited than touched, at the moment. Having his capabilities doubted sure is fucking annoying! Even if the sentiment is kind.]
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[ the sentiment may look kind at first, but in truth it's nothing more than another selfish wish. he doesn't want anyone else to decide for him. ]