[ and, just like sieg said, it doesn't do anything. the dead are still dead, and oda still failed to do anything. he thinks about ai, who talked to him about death while looking so scared...and ruin who was stopped by cunning from doing the right thing...
hm. maybe he shouldn't be thinking about that right now. ]
[All he has to do is force himself to be useful in some kind of way. The longer the competition goes in the less useful or helpful he feels. Especially now.
He's a liability and a burden. This feeling of uselessness is familiar. ... Astolfo would never call him useless and he's half the reason Sieg is here to begin with.]
... Are you sure you don't have anything else you'd rather do?
[ although oda doesn't particularly agree with the idea of letting sieg continue to push himself past his limits, he also has a feeling that there won't be any convincing him.
so he lowers himself to the floor, wrapping an arm behind sieg's back and under his arm in order to help hold his weight. ]
Luckily, I've got a lot of free time. Ready to go up?
[Why are there always people like this? Without fail, there's somebody out there destroying lives and reveling in it, not caring about the pain they've left behind them.]
[ it is painful. painful enough to make the gunshot look like a mere paper cut in comparison. those children were the materialization of his dream, the proof that he was trying to become a better person— and it was all taken away from him.
but oda can’t bring himself to feel that pain in full again. he barely feels like he can keep himself together, but...
he sighs. ]
But it doesn’t matter anymore, Sieg. It’s alright.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
post death announcement, week 4
he's getting really tired of this game.
but when he sees sieg, oda stops, feeling his chest tighten out of a familiar sense of guilt. his expression, though, remains neutral.]
You...should be resting.
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... I wanted to come down to... To see them. It doesn't really do anything.
It'll be better in a few weeks. Don't worry.
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[ and, just like sieg said, it doesn't do anything. the dead are still dead, and oda still failed to do anything. he thinks about ai, who talked to him about death while looking so scared...and ruin who was stopped by cunning from doing the right thing...
hm. maybe he shouldn't be thinking about that right now. ]
I can carry you-- that way you won't walk back.
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[All he has to do is force himself to be useful in some kind of way. The longer the competition goes in the less useful or helpful he feels. Especially now.
He's a liability and a burden. This feeling of uselessness is familiar. ... Astolfo would never call him useless and he's half the reason Sieg is here to begin with.]
... Are you sure you don't have anything else you'd rather do?
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[ although oda doesn't particularly agree with the idea of letting sieg continue to push himself past his limits, he also has a feeling that there won't be any convincing him.
so he lowers himself to the floor, wrapping an arm behind sieg's back and under his arm in order to help hold his weight. ]
Luckily, I've got a lot of free time. Ready to go up?
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If his leg doesn't get better in the next few weeks, oh well.
For now though, he wraps his arm around Oda and nods.]
I'm ready.
week 4, post trial
Hey... I understand. I completely understand why you want to kill him.
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It doesn't matter.
[ his voice is hoarse, from the screaming ]
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So he's just stuck standing next to him.]
Are you going to try again?
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[ the gunshot is kind of HINDERING him but...at least he's trying his best to stand up, reaching to use the statues as support. ]
What he'll get isn't enough. It's not enough.
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If you kill him you'll put the other Disorder follower at risk. They weren't part of this.
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[ and from the cold expression on his face, it's obvious that he means it. ]
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... You could torture him. It would last longer.
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That can't be all you're good for. Why do you think that?
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You cooked with me.
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Why do you say that?
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[ and-- ]
Because, if my wish isn't fulfilled, then there won't be anything else in this world that I want.
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Oda is a little bit like Atalante, who went nuts after Jack the Ripper got to her. Except... he doesn't think Oda is out of his mind.]
I'd like it if your wish came true. How long has it been? Is he planning to hurt other people?
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[ he says this in the same, even voice he always speaks in, but on the inside he feels as if someone was slowly gutting him open. ]
When I came here, about an hour had passed. At most.
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That's terrible.
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[ it is painful. painful enough to make the gunshot look like a mere paper cut in comparison. those children were the materialization of his dream, the proof that he was trying to become a better person— and it was all taken away from him.
but oda can’t bring himself to feel that pain in full again. he barely feels like he can keep himself together, but...
he sighs. ]
But it doesn’t matter anymore, Sieg. It’s alright.
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[Even if he's tried to close himself off from it or he's gone numb. The fact that it hurt that much...]
I don't know who your god is, but I think they'd want you to make it to the end of the game. So... please take care of yourself.
week 6, Monday
How have you been taking things?
[So much has happened and Sieg is tired.]
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[ on the physical level at least. the fact that estelle died in guy's sake...it leaves a bitter taste in oda's mouth.
but he'll try to ignore it. for now. ]
Are you hungry?
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[(X) Doubt.]
A little bit.
I wanted to talk to you about a few things, but if you don't want to answer, that's fine.
Did you get something from capture the flag? And... are you still with the same god?
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I spoke... to Ray before. [It's hard to talk about him when the loss was so recent.] He said you were in Justice.
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[ oda sticks his hand in his pants pocket, pulling out two bracelets. ]
Between everything that was going on, I forgot to tell you. [ he looks away. ] Sorry.
[ oda does nod when sieg mentions ray. ] Yeah, that's true.
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[And his heart still aches when he remembers who died.]
So you're still with him... I see. Thank you, Oda.
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[ a pause, as oda glances back at sieg ]
Eh? Thanks for what?
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[He takes one of the bracelets and slips it onto his wrist.]
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[ they're all posted on his fucking statue ]
I don't mind if you don't tell me, but which god are you with?
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... This week I'm with Disorder. I was worried about her.
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I don't want to see another god die.
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Disorder likes company, so if you can talk to her, I'm sure she'd appreciate it.
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[ have you Seen him sieg??? ]
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Have you tried before?
I didn't think Cunning would be interested in talking to me, but that's gone surprisingly well.